library memory

So I know it’s the most obvious metaphor but I really love Will’s Library memory. It’s funny and clever; I can picture the author having these images of his own library memory. I can relate to this though.. in a way at least. My sophomore year in high school I was in band, and I had rekindled a relationship with a girl who was my best friend in first grade, but when we didn’t have the same teacher in second we lost touch, we were acquaintances and didn’t have anything against each other, but in a school the size of ours if you didn’t have classes or time with people you lost touch with them. Well we had band together and we played first part together most of the time. Anyway we started talking about we viewed things in our head, like the shape. For instance we viewed our weeks similarly. IF I could pull out the image of how I viewed my week it would kind of look like a spiral, and each ring on the spiral was Monday through Sunday (although I think the week starts on Sunday I picture it this way because I kind of clump my weekends into one). The way I picture my year is really funny, even to me. My Year is kind of the shape of a horse shoe, and depending on the time of my year is where I’m standing, the gap is between December and January. Right now It is April, and since I always look toward the middle of the horse shoe, if you were to look at me standing in my year from the ends of the horse show I would look like I’m standing on the right side of the shoe facing the left side. I’m not a visual person at all as you can tell, this is why I’m doing so well with Chemistry, because it’s not about visual things at all. – I’ll figure out away to make it visual if I have to take it again at Raymond Walters, blah even if it drives me nuts! Sorry I didn’t say much about the Library memory, it’s pretty self-explanatory and we’ve talked about it quite a bit.

this post is whiny so if you odn't like whining I don't suggest you read it.

So far I’m not really enjoying this book. I’m finding it much more difficult to read than Northern Lights. I’ve fallen asleep while reading it, and the print is much smaller. Oh well, this is why I’m kind of not going to write about it, I’m going to write about whatever I feel like.

I’m tired. School and life in general are exhausting me. I’m awake now, even though I don’t have class for another two hours because I’m too cheap to pay for a parking pass at Miami and too cheap to pay for driving gas to get there, so I ride the bus that takes twice as long.
I don’t fit in at Oxford. I don’t own any name brand clothes I hadn’t even heard of j-crew before coming here, and you know what—j-crew looks exactly like Forever 21 which is like1/21st of the price. I find myself not envious but frustrated at other students who seem to be handed everything. Since I was 15 and I wanted to go on a trip with Young Life that was $600 I started working. My parents couldn’t afford for me to go, but I knew I wanted to so I worked. It taught me to save and it taught me to be proud of what I’ve worked for, and it just drives me nuts when I hear people talk about trips to paris and florida for valentine’s day. What a waste. And Money doesn’t mean anything to them. I really really appreciate the money I have. I hate spending it. When I do save up for something I questions once I have enough if it’s really worth it; for example: I’ve wanted an ipod since before this school year even started, I have wanted a tattoo (cross tattoo don’t hate if you’re not into that sort of thing and you happen to read that post) and I would like to go to Gatlinburg with my boyfriends family (I’m saving even though they’ll want to pay everything for me) and I’d like to go to 4 other concerts this summer that I haven’t paid for already. Now in my spending account I have enough to do all of this, and I look at ipods any time I’m at walmart meijers or best buy—or target, and still no ipod because I just don’t know if I think its worth yet . Spring break, when everyone gets a tattoo, could have got one. Hmmm too bad not me. I still haven’t bought those concert tickets, though I’m sure those will be the for sure thing I do spend , and probably the trip too. Things that have to do with other people, I find easier to just let go of the money lol. Oh well I think this is over my one page double space so I’m going to stop writing now. Have a good one Joe, Oh and btw. I do enjoy coming to your class as well as my other classes in Oxford. I’m just tired and poor.

didn't like the book, so i vented, if you don't like whining I don't suggest you read this. :)

So far I’m not really enjoying this book. I’m finding it much more difficult to read than Northern Lights. I’ve fallen asleep while reading it, and the print is much smaller. Oh well, this is why I’m kind of not going to write about it, I’m going to write about whatever I feel like.

I’m tired. School and life in general are exhausting me. I’m awake now, even though I don’t have class for another two hours because I’m too cheap to pay for a parking pass at Miami and too cheap to pay for driving gas to get there, so I ride the bus that takes twice as long.
I don’t fit in at Oxford. I don’t own any name brand clothes I hadn’t even heard of j-crew before coming here, and you know what—j-crew looks exactly like Forever 21 which is like1/21st of the price. I find myself not envious but frustrated at other students who seem to be handed everything. Since I was 15 and I wanted to go on a trip with Young Life that was $600 I started working. My parents couldn’t afford for me to go, but I knew I wanted to so I worked. It taught me to save and it taught me to be proud of what I’ve worked for, and it just drives me nuts when I hear people talk about trips to paris and florida for valentine’s day. What a waste. And Money doesn’t mean anything to them. I really really appreciate the money I have. I hate spending it. When I do save up for something I questions once I have enough if it’s really worth it; for example: I’ve wanted an ipod since before this school year even started, I have wanted a tattoo (cross tattoo don’t hate if you’re not into that sort of thing and you happen to read that post) and I would like to go to Gatlinburg with my boyfriends family (I’m saving even though they’ll want to pay everything for me) and I’d like to go to 4 other concerts this summer that I haven’t paid for already. Now in my spending account I have enough to do all of this, and I look at ipods any time I’m at walmart meijers or best buy—or target, and still no ipod because I just don’t know if I think its worth yet . Spring break, when everyone gets a tattoo, could have got one. Hmmm too bad not me. I still haven’t bought those concert tickets, though I’m sure those will be the for sure thing I do spend , and probably the trip too. Things that have to do with other people, I find easier to just let go of the money lol. Oh well I think this is over my one page double space so I’m going to stop writing now. Have a good one Joe, Oh and btw. I do enjoy coming to your class as well as my other classes in Oxford. I’m just tired and poor.

didn't like the book, so i vented, if you don't like whining I don't suggest you read this. :)

So far I’m not really enjoying this book. I’m finding it much more difficult to read than Northern Lights. I’ve fallen asleep while reading it, and the print is much smaller. Oh well, this is why I’m kind of not going to write about it, I’m going to write about whatever I feel like.

I’m tired. School and life in general are exhausting me. I’m awake now, even though I don’t have class for another two hours because I’m too cheap to pay for a parking pass at Miami and too cheap to pay for driving gas to get there, so I ride the bus that takes twice as long.
I don’t fit in at Oxford. I don’t own any name brand clothes I hadn’t even heard of j-crew before coming here, and you know what—j-crew looks exactly like Forever 21 which is like1/21st of the price. I find myself not envious but frustrated at other students who seem to be handed everything. Since I was 15 and I wanted to go on a trip with Young Life that was $600 I started working. My parents couldn’t afford for me to go, but I knew I wanted to so I worked. It taught me to save and it taught me to be proud of what I’ve worked for, and it just drives me nuts when I hear people talk about trips to paris and florida for valentine’s day. What a waste. And Money doesn’t mean anything to them. I really really appreciate the money I have. I hate spending it. When I do save up for something I questions once I have enough if it’s really worth it; for example: I’ve wanted an ipod since before this school year even started, I have wanted a tattoo (cross tattoo don’t hate if you’re not into that sort of thing and you happen to read that post) and I would like to go to Gatlinburg with my boyfriends family (I’m saving even though they’ll want to pay everything for me) and I’d like to go to 4 other concerts this summer that I haven’t paid for already. Now in my spending account I have enough to do all of this, and I look at ipods any time I’m at walmart meijers or best buy—or target, and still no ipod because I just don’t know if I think its worth yet . Spring break, when everyone gets a tattoo, could have got one. Hmmm too bad not me. I still haven’t bought those concert tickets, though I’m sure those will be the for sure thing I do spend , and probably the trip too. Things that have to do with other people, I find easier to just let go of the money lol. Oh well I think this is over my one page double space so I’m going to stop writing now. Have a good one Joe, Oh and btw. I do enjoy coming to your class as well as my other classes in Oxford. I’m just tired and poor.

Product of Rape
Clarissa was the “product” of rape. Rape in every way is tragic. In some cases of rape the woman can become pregnant; now the woman is left with an extremely difficult decision. Whatever decisions the woman makes her emotions and memories will always be with her.
According to Crime in the United States 2006 there were 92,455 rapes in America, at least that is the number of reported rapes. The SA Department of Health reports that 5% of rapes result in pregnancy; that means that 4,623 of the women raped became pregnant. What did they do?
I believe Clarissa’s mother wanted to do the right thing. I believe her past haunted her everywhere she went. She had to leave Ero because she would always be his victim wife. No one wants to be portrayed as weak or as a victim. So she left. I believe she wanted to raise Clarissa, Clarissa would love her unconditionally they would have each other. However, every time she looked Clarissa she probably saw the man who raped her, her own daughter brought back those horrible painful memories. Have you ever gotten away from a problem, but it still haunts you? Her mother probably felt this way; she very well possibly felt that she had this unknown story, that no one spoke of but secretly they knew, and that they judged her as the victim. So she had to run again, and had to be secluded which explains why she worked far away from the rest of the world.
This book should have a sequel, Clarissa’s Mother’s side. I wonder if she thought of abortion but couldn’t do it and knew it wouldn’t erase the memories or burden of rape. There are approximately 42,000,000 abortions a year (worldwide); of those abortions 1% is result from rape meaning 420,000 women were raped and aborted their unborn child (abortion). Aborting the child may take away the child, the physical effects of the rape, but it cannot take away the psychological affects.
According to (secasa) many women after having a child that was a product of rape the emotional and psychological impact of rape creates Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and symptoms are often exacerbated when the victim/survivor gives birth. Pregnancy following rape is more likely to lead to inner conflicts for women about deciding whether to keep the child or not. Long term effects may include depression, as many women may blame themselves, and experience feelings of shame and guilt that can then project onto their growing child.
Although we all hated Clarissa’s mother for being so cold and seeming inhumane emotionally detached towards Clarissa, maybe she was protecting her? She could have known she couldn’t have ever looked at Clarissa without seeing the man that raped her and knew that wouldn’t be good for her daughter either. As a mother she knew Clarissa would grow attached to her. Clarissa was 14 when her mother left. Fourteen was about the age when I became closer to my mother emotionally, more as a friend, less of a provider I began to learn more about life from my mother at this age. Knowing this connection would begin to happen with Clarissa her mother could have left to protect them both from further pain.
Rape causes pain, emotional chaos, and scarring memories. How can we really decide what is best to do afterwards without experiencing it ourselves? She is a very dislikeable character, but she could also be very misunderstood, and its just impossible to understand her reasoning given her position in pregnancy as a product of rape.


http://www.health.sa.gov.au/PREGNANCY/DesktopDefault.aspx?tabid=54
http://www.abortionno.org/Resources/fastfacts.html
http://www.secasa.com.au/index.php/survivors/4/151

Oh how this story upset me—I mean, really? Is that really how it ends? So I’m a huge fan of happy endings. Like the latest Batman movie, I hated it. Sure it was a great thriller and makes you cringe throughout the entire thing with anticipation, but there’s no feelgood at the end at all. And yes it seems like this story had a happy ending, but it really didn’t have anything to do with the story. Clarissa essentially became her mother, except she chose to be honest about who her daughter’s biological father was.
Her mom as a character pissed me off too. I don’t know I guess it could have something to do with the fact that I really do look forward to getting married and having children one day and actually being a mom. Why couldn’t she just talk to Clarissa? Why couldn’t she just say she was sorry? I mean rape is awful, there’s no argument there, but it wasn’t Clarissa’s fault she didn’t ask the man to do it. I just wanted her mom to be say something about why she left. She doesn’t give her anything of closure except for her to said “goodbye Clarissa”.
I did love the fact that Clarissa gave her mom the letter she was writing to her unborn baby. That was a really gutsy move. I liked Clarissa as a character. I really did I liked being inside her head and fallowing her, obvious she had serious problems but I liked her, we always kinda like the main character though don’t we for the most part? I’m glad she found her happy ending but hate how it was written “ I didn’t know.. I didn’t know”—and it’s all summed up in about 3 paragraphs. No ones happy ending is that short. Oh well.
I think I want to write my paper about rape victims who become pregnant. I’m taking Psychology 111 and I absolutely love it. And I would kinda like to see if I can research any other similar cases and see if there are any resemblances to the story. See if most mothers keep the baby, leave the baby, raise the baby, and just see if this book was a good story or if it has some believable factors. I can’t say, since I haven’t experienced similar things, nor had kids, that I would do things differently. I’d like to say I would. One of my biggest questions is why so late? Clarissa was fourteen when she left, she obviously had a pretty strong connection to her mother why make it more painful why not leave when she was younger? That just aggravated me.
But like I said in my paper last terms about relationships, and its what I’m learning in psychology, we’re affected so much by our past. That is why I believe Clarissa leaves P. and randomly starts who own life. I don’t like how she hides her true past from her husband. It shaped her and if her ex fiancé was as great of a man as shes going to tell her daughter why did she leave him?. I definitely think the ending has a few pot holes like the author decided she was too tired to finsish. “ She lived happilt ever after, the end”.

I can’t necessarily relate to this book myself. I don’t think If I were abandoned I would want to go looking for the ones who abandoned me, especially if it wasn’t like a young mother who knew I would have a better life in the care of other, but instead because I was unwanted, or at least seeming unwanted. If I had a good relationship with a man who I believed was my birth father and he raised me as his own I would leave it at that. I can understand the curiosity but I wouldn’t ever be able to call either of them her mother or father (her birth parents) mom or dad. They did not treat her as a daughter why should she treat them as her family. The commitment thing is very relatable and understandable though. If all you’ve ever known is run when it gets complicated or connected, then when its more than just a surface relationship you’re going to run. OR in her case she didn’t allow herself to get close enough to her friends , which is why it didn’t hurt her to run, she’d taught herself to look out for her, that’s what mom did right? Also I don’t think her mom is so much a psychopath as much as a sociopath. It doesn’t seem like her mom understands what she’s doing or what she’s done, psychopaths try to hide their crimes and are ashamed, they know what is right and wrong.
A boarder for me is definitely the running from friends.. running from her fiancé I can understand, if you can’t get close you can’t get hurt, but friends are different than significant other relationships, relationships are more about compromise and not that friendships aren’t, but their more about being there. She’s just not a really good friend…but doesn’t know how to be one anyway.